We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
she smelled like a LAN party
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize