Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
