I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
