captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
