What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
