just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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