party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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