On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
