Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
