where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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