well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
