don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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