You can't special order awesome
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
