im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
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