So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
barbara walters just said penis...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
