i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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