chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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