Jerry, you need to find god
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
