U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I smell stomach acid.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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