I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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