and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
