you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
