blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I think people are normalizing furries
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
