Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
