i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
