He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
