You can't motorboat a personality
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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