This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize