What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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