dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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