Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I love having hate sex.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
