and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
