Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
