I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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