Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Randomize
