I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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