Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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