Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
