I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
