party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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