Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
