I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
