Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
