if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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