I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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