We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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