dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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