I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
