I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
