stop calling my apartment porn island.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
