Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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