I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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