I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
