the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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