NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I am one with the molecules
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
