what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
