when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
