Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
