somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
