Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
