we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
