shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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