I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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