How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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