I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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