No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
we should paint friendship bongs
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
