Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
