so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
